Rubenu - Dealing With Teens

Confused by teens? Chances are, so are they. Adolescence is a confusing stage in a child's life. Rapid growth and sexual maturation combine with an increasing desire for independence. Hormones often have more control of teenagers' moods than they do.

As teenagers grow into their personalities and assert their independence, many parents begin to feel that they are "losing" their son or daughter. This is normal. Distance from family and attachment with peer friends is part of the development process.

If you feel like you're losing touch with your teen and would like some helpful resources, give the Center a call. Some Centers have classes that deal with parent-teen relationships, and all Centers offer counseling services.

Until then, here are some quick tips and reminders about teens from the Prevention Information Resource Center:

· Young people at this stage have a strong sense of fairness, and they become very judgmental if adults or peers do not do what is "fair."

· Teens often hide their need for love and acceptance from parents and peers in an effort to act grown-up.

· Children often try to assert their independence through untidy habits such as refusal to wash, poor manners and sloppy dress.

· Don't stress if your teen sleeps in on the weekends. Some parents take this as a sign of laziness, but most young people need more rest during their teen years than at any other stage since infancy. And too little rest can result in moodiness.

· While few teens will admit this to their parents, young people at this stage find security in structure. When setting and enforcing rules, keep the following points in mind: When a rule is presented, explain the reason for it in 25 words or less. The risks and consequences of breaking the rule should be made clear.

· Recognize that your teen's appearance is his or her own problem, and set strict standards only when it's important to you.

· Try to be cheerful and roll with your teenager's moodiness.

· Make sure your expectations are reasonable and praise your teenagers when they do well. Don't worry if you hear this from your teen: "I'm the only one who has to …" You're not the meanest parent in the world. Check out the rules with other parents.

· Think about how you felt when you were a teen. Remember the scary and confusing feelings you had.

· Make sure each rule is reasonable, clear and enforceable. If one of those characteristics is missing, the potential for conflict increases.

· There is a difference between giving advice and listening. As parents we want to be helpful to our kids, but sometimes we get the two confused, and our kids call it "lecturing" or "nagging" and tune us out. Try it this way. Offer to make a suggestion about something. If your teen says yes, then you'll really have their attention.

Reprinted with permission from:

Prevent Child Abuse New York - Prevention Information Resource Center www.preventchildabuseny.org